I Am Here To Remember

I remember hearing the knock on the door. It is the postman. He has come to deliver my birthday cards. He will not push them through the letter box. He has knocked. Now he is waiting for me to open the door so that he can wish me a Happy Birthday. I can see his silhouette through the glass of the front door, his bulky satchel strapped over his left shoulder bumping against his right hip. He looks crooked. Maybe his mummy didn’t tell him to stand straight. I open the door. I am wriggling with excitement looking at his hand full of envelopes, all for me. The Queen is on the stamps. I can see my name and address – Nicola Johnson, 37 Crescent Road, Mortimer, Berks. It is Saturday morning, 2nd of May 1964. Today I am five-years-old. There are children playing in the streets. I will join them when I have opened my cards. Everyone is looking at me receiving the important visit of the Postman in his uniform. It says Royal Mail on his satchel. I am shy. I don’t like people looking at me. On Monday I will be starting school. I am going to learn to read and to write. I look forward to this almost more than the birthday party this afternoon with my girlfriends.

“I am becoming that which I am.” (p. 168)

I remember my first day at school. Monday, 4th of May 1964. My Daddy’s birthday. My clothes feel too big for me. I am supposed to grow into them. My socks won’t stay up. My mother has agreed to walk me to school for the first morning. Afterwards I will walk there with my friend Susan who lives down the road. I don’t want my mother near me. I want to go to school. I want to learn to read and write. Susan is waiting for me at the school gate. Susan is 6 months older. Her birthday is on the 2nd of November. She has been at school for ages. I have missed her. Now we are together again. She takes my hand and leads me into the classroom where Miss Keyes is waiting for me.

“I am here to playfully and creatively stretch myself in consciousness beyond she whom I know.” (p. 210)

I remember entering the classroom for the first time. I am ecstatic. My mother is far, far away. So are my brothers. I am on my own and there is my best friend, Susan. She tells me that I will receive a box with all my school things in it. I look forward to this. Miss Keyes shows me to the table where I am to sit. I want to start learning. I am eager. I am available. I am ravenously hungry. Miss Keyes says that if I settle down well, I will receive my school box next week. Not to worry. I am being given plenty of space and time to absorb the routines. There is morning assembly singing hymns and saying the ‘Our Father’. There is drinking milk at 10 o’clock. There are school lunches for 6d a week. There is no running in the halls and no interrupting grown-ups speaking. There is a lot of new things.

I remember being so disappointed. I am here to learn to read and write.

I remember sitting quietly at my desk, all day, taking it all in. I am given a small piece of chalk and a slate. I am dreaming of the moment when I will receive my school box. I am waiting. I am ready. I am willing. I begin to write all the words I know with the chalk. I am held in great wings of love as I await my learning.

“I create those conditions and opportunities that are optimal for my continuing unfolding.” (p. 28)

I remember the next morning Miss Keyes handing me my school box. She gives me my first reading lesson and sets me a writing exercise. I am elated. I am here for this. I am willing. I am held in Love, indeed.

“How I attend to life matters and creates consequences.” (p. 43)

This text was produced as part of a practice in retrieving childhood treasures of wisdom which I designed for a writing course – The Sixth Scenario. Working with Worldly Scenarios.

The affirmations are taken from Stephen Busby (2020). Guidance for Life on Earth. Teachings and Practices from Inner Guides. Book One. Reality, Humans and the Earth.